Introduction to Competitive Dozer Events

Event: Endurance Sleeping (ES)
Competitor Type: Long Distance Dozers

ES is exactly what it sounds like. Just because a challenger may log the most uninterrupted sleep doesn’t mean that he or she is the winner. Think you can take gold as as a Distance Dozer (DD) just by turning in a long Winter's nap? Think again, any Pro DD will tell you it's all about "going coma."


Winning:
A victory is earned based on a combination of the following scoring factors:

1. Duration of uninterrupted sleep. Slip into consciousness for even a heart-beat and you lose.
2. Form – Known as the Egyptian ‘tombing’ position, the most honorable, elegant, and powerful form for entering, displaying and maintaining restful sleep is on the back. The earliest artist renderings presented dozers on their backs. Eyes staring up at the heavens. This holds true today. Sleep through the entire event on your back and earn the most form points possible.
3. Zone Entrance: The first Dozer to lose consciousness (Zone Leader) earns 3 points to be used in his or her favor in the event of a tie.


Setting:
Traditional. Two Federation measured ‘body beds’ (beds that are just slightly wider than the human frame.) 100% cotton single layer Interesting Info:
On average, Pro Endurance Dozers will enter the Zone within 5 to 13 seconds and go coma within in 5 minutes. When a DD goes coma they enter a rarified sleep zone. Not surprisingly, a CAT scan of a DD and a comatose victim show the same electrical patterns in the brain. The current Endurance record is held by yours truly at 127 hours.

Event: Figure Sleeping

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Federation Approved Slippers?

I wouldn’t generally take issue with recommending slippers. The best sleep foot wear is always no footwear. The breathable foot is to a competitive sleeper, what a calve skinned boot is to a soccer player. Recently, my father, (who has always been a staunch ‘no-slippers’ man) asked me about federation approved slippers. Now I’m not sure if he’s developing a genuine interest in slippers or if Isotoner may have been touting federation recommended slippers as holiday gifts. Either way a raw, warm foot leads to a dreaming foot and dreaming mind. But there is much to be said for pre-sleep and post-sleep behavior and comfort. So in answer to my father’s question, I look for pure cozy pre-sleep comfort in chenille booties. Not every friend will knit them for you, but a passionate trainer or a custom endorsement program will certainly have you gliding across oak floors and into a feather bed faster than you can say Dr. Seuss!

Ever been to a Pro-Dozer Event?

It’s barely been two weeks since I launched this blog and hundreds of people keep emailing me to ask “How does it work?” “How do you compete?” “I’ve never seen a pro event. At least I don’t think I have” “What are the rules?” “Is it really a game? And if so how do you play it? How do you win? “Do you compete on the same bed as your opponent? What are a few standard sleep strategies? “Are there different types of events?” “Where can I download pod casts of the events?” “What network are you guys on?” When does the season start? Is there even a season?

I have to apologize because having slept on the circuit since my childhood, dozing has always been a part of my everyday life. I took it for granted if you will, and assumed that everyone knew as much about it as I did. This is just one of the psychological risks associated with going pro while you’re still an infant. They say Michael Jackson missed out on his child-hood. Well I find that hard to believe. I mean really, what’s more child-like? Singing and dancing and shouting and playing music on stage with your brothers or having to sleep in the spot-light in front of an audience, night after night while holding perfect sculpture form? So not only was I a child who was competing/performing but I was sleeping through it all. Talk about missing something. But I’m verging on the sensitive issue of Baby Dozers. How young is too young? Mike Wallace is developing a piece on this with me so I’ll save the discussion for 60 Minutes in the Spring.

Back to the topic. Your questions. All of them. I was wrong to assume that everyone understood the intricacies of comp dozing in the way that most people know that a quarterback is the guy who throws the ball. This week I will address all the questions listed above and more so that everyone can talk dozing like Cubans talk baseball. Sports bind countries together. Why is baseball America’s sport? I mean shouldn’t the sport that defines a culture be the sport that every single citizen plays every single day? I look forward to detailing the sport for all of you but I really must say, I’ve never been to a Monster Truck Event. I have no idea what goes on. I just figured, hey I guess the best truck wins. Does it matter how they get to the podium?

Sleep better in Style

If you're serious about sleep fashion then you know that natural fabric liners are the ticket to dreaming in style.

This was the first year that the fashion industry fully embraced the practical comfort and the universal appeal of Competitive Dozerwear. I never thought I'd lay down with the likes of Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell but there we were today together on the runway, dreaming it out across Washington Square Park in front the world's fashion elite. Competitive sleepwear looks simple but it's actually more complex than any high falootin "cuteore" fashion out there. Are you really gonna fall asleep in Gautier's pajamas? Anyone who's brave enough to
wear his pajamas is gonna hurt themselves. I mean not only does CDW have to look sporty but it has to be incredibly comfortable. I've been working with the same designer that knitted my first sleeper suit. Why have I stuck with her for so long? It's simple. I tried on that sleeper suit and it was so damn comfortable that I fell asleep as soon my mom zipped it up. Now that's comfort. And as Bill Blass once put it, "if you're not comfortable you're not fashionable."

good night
BW