A Dream of Car Repair

I'm far out west. A dusty town. Not even, just a roadside stop. My car is in the shop. The mechanic rolls out from underneath and it's not the burly cigar stubbed mechanic. Instead, it's this girl. The beautiful collaboration of the greasy leanedness of a hard working man with the wit and string curled smile of a woman. She's young but she's wearing the work of her years. Maybe born with a sticky wrench in her hand.

Tar between her teeth, oil under her finger nails. She's talking and talking. I don't even know who she's talking to cause she hasn't seen me yet. Cigarette in one hand, socket wrench in the other. She might be the mechanic that Wynona Ryder never was. And this is what she says:

"The way I see it is - you got ten fingers, you're gonna die with 'em. (at 'em she flashes a huge teethy grin that beams out from under her oil slick face.) Well ya got eight fingers, two opposable thumbs that is, ya get rid of those thumbs - you save a lotta money on nail polish. Ya figure, the average middle lower class woman paints her nails about fifteen hundred times till they're seventy-five. At least. Maybe more. You get rid of those thumbs. Save a lotta money. Still look pretty.

But ya see I'm supportin the proletariat. Those big men up there in the government, they know smokin's good for you. Makes you live longer. They all smoke. They tell all of you that it's bad. That it's gonna kill ya, printin up little messages on the boxes. It's all hoax damn it! Think I like smokin? (she spits) Pppppeh! It's nasty, but I do it to champion the proletariat. Somebody's gotta smoke. Be no one around to fix your car if I didn't."

That night I was sleeping in Jockey sleepwear on Hotel Collection Bedding.

Fairy Tale from the Dreamer

My mom tucked me in as I was wearing footy pajamas (or is it footed pajamas?). My mom rarely read me fairy tales but I repeatedly had dreams in which she would tuck me in and read me a fairy tale that I had written. After I told her about the fairy tale from my dream, she wrote it down and then from time to time she would read it to me as I lay tucked in bed. This is the fairy tale:"There are billions of little circles drifting across the big square. The big square has lots and lots of very tall triangles. The circles made the triangles white and soft and so the triangles are very very happy and will be for a very long time. Soon the cirlcles will come to the triangles again. And the triangles will be even happier. The funny thing is: These triangles are always happy... because they're so high all the time."

Free Dreaming

It's common knowledge that competitive sleepers, in their quest for controlled, elegant and statuesque sleep often lose their natural ability to dream.
I've decided to do a series of posts that will share and recount what we call "free dreaming." The casual sleeper has access to a wonder of wandering dreams. When I was younger and a free dreamer, my mother logged each dream knowing, that each one might be the last. When I look at these old records of my dreams I must admit that I wish free dreaming were a sport itself. My mother not only logged my dreams as I described them in the morning but she noted the details about my pajamas, mattresses or anything unique about that night.

Designer Bedding

As far as designer bedding is concerned, Nautica bedding is the most simple, summery, vacation-evoking of them all.
if that's what you're looking for, of course. But if your cup of tea is floral and feminine, then oscar de la renta bedding is the one for you.

Modern Bedding for Modern Man

" Modern man associates himself with the ancient world, not in order to reflect, like a mirror, but to capture its spirit and apply it in the modern way." Palladio 1564 A.D.

It's couldn't have been better said. Everything is borrowed and brought back numerous times... it's a recycle cycle. Look around, even the 80's made a comeback. But it's the way that it's done that makes it timeless and modern... When it comes to modern bedding, I lean towards classics like Calvin Klein bedding because I know what to expect: clean, fresh, no frills.

Star Wars remake

I was never a huge Star Wars fan, but I recall sleeping on Star War bedding as a little boy. At an age I couldn't choose for myself yet... There's a cute Star Wars video game out, LEGO version... and I'd be more likely to buy those sheets.

Navigate dreams

These Nautica catalogs have me keeping up with my new year's resolutions so far... heck, they even have me buying Nautica sleepwear! I've been working on my abs and buns of steel and this year I, too, will have Edward Burns' six-pack, marry Christy Turlington's twin sister, have 2 gorgeous kids, buy a yacht and a house in the Hamptons...Only I'll keep my baritone, thank you. (sorry, Ed, but you sound like a little girl on helium...) Then it'll be easier to "Navigate Life" ... with a whole new set of variables.

Wild West

I love travelling... for pleasure, for business, for sport... I've crossed this country numerous times, and on the last trip I fell in love with New Mexico. The rolling hills, auburn sunsets and coyotes... The colorful Native American wool blankets and western bedding inspired my dreams about Billie, the Kid galloping full speed through the deserty plains outside El Capitan.

Feather beds are for princesses

Feather beds are over-rated. Except, they remind me of a childhood story by Hans Christian Andersen "The Princess and the Pea". A tale of how a prince found his "real" princess, the one that was bruised by a pea through a towering pile of feather beds... "Fifty feather mattresses up and up she climbed..." It's a cute story for the little ones, but if you've kept up with my entries, then you already know that I'm a true visco fan. You just can't go wrong with a visco foam mattress. It forms to your contours and is built to last...so what's not to love?

You say night CAP, I say NIGHT cap

You say night CAP

I say NIGHT cap

Ralph Lauren or me?

My ex was a little compulsive, to say the least. She used to put me through hell with her sleeping rituals. At first I thought I'd get used to it, but it only got progressively worse with time. We met at one of the sleeper cross conferences in Singapore. She was soft-spoken, introverted and exotic... until I got to know her true colors. Here's a typical scenario: It was her turn to visit me and I had planned out a romantic practice session for the two of us in the Redwoods. I had sketched out the route up the scenic California coast, stocked up on supplies and was anxious to see her at the airport that afternoon... She finally arrived... with suitcases that were bigger than my SUV. When I jokingly asked her if she was moving in, she laughed, but made it quite clear that she was going nowhere without her ralph lauren bedding and her matching ralph lauren sleepwear (and everything else, of course). She said: "It's for GOOD luck, Barrett!" But I somehow interpreted that as a cover-up for her crush on a man whose teeth are whiter than mine. But "good" luck or "good" looks... was only half the trouble...you see, the real issue was that her obsessive attitude was stepping on my bohemian toes...and I like my feet, so I had to pick them over her.

Child prodigy sleeper

Some of us are lucky enough to know what we want to do with our lives at a very young age while others struggle their entire lives in search of a purpose. I was born lucky and am grateful to be gifted with a mission in life. Long distance sleeping is most often heredetary, yet there are also cases of competitive sleepers that are simply products of their environment. I am one of extremely rare cases (born asleep), hence my chances of passing this gene to my offspring are multiplied. I reckon I would be a proud father no matter what, but if I pass this down, I will prepare my newborn's surroundings to the T. In my quest to provide my future sleeping prodigy (I picture having a daughter) with the finest ingredients for sound sleep... I came across the most adorable hello kitty pajamas! Just too irresistibly cute to pass up.

Under-cover(s), part 2

For those who get cold easily there is always long underwear or long johns, if you like. You can buy them in cotton or silk, but if you need extra coverage, opt for ski thermal underwear, which is layered and conserves the heat better. My personal favourite is the original red union suit with a poop chute. There is something nostalgic about it...

Under-cover(s)

What do you wear under the covers?

a) tighty whities
b) mens thongs
c) boxer shorts

If you answered a, you are an amateur
If you answered b, you are rebel
If you answered c, you are a true sleeper cross veteran who knows from experience that comfort is priority in this event.

Dr. Sleep prescribes...

Improve your quality of life with sleep. It's the best medicine out there. Still don't believe me? Need a second opinion? The sleepless society will confirm my rants. I'll let them break down the medical aspects, while I take this time to focus on the best accessories to recharge. What does one need for the most optimal sleep, you ask? Well... what you sleep on is vital and I highly recommend a temperpedic mattress. It forms to your body which results in less tossing and no back pain. 1000 thread count sheet is the next priority. Remember that we spend a third of our lives in bed, so don't short change your health and buy the best. And... less is not more when it comes to sleep. Sleep is about both quality and quantity. Treat yourself to high end cotton sleepwear. You won't regret it.

Respect your sleep

Having been born asleep, dozing comes naturally to me. I have always had utter respect for sleep, so becoming a competitive sleeper was an organic transition. Today I'm surrounded by those who understand and those who criticize my "unusual" lifestyle. The ones that criticize are usually the ones that are sleep deprived, envious and bitter for they claim to lack "that kind of time". But their over-achieving mentality doesn't phase me, since there's time and place for everything. And it is out of my respect for sleep that I do not get offended by their attitudes. On the contrary, I believe that every person's intentions are good, but lack of sleep drives them to irrational behavior and poor decision-making... and so I sleep for them. I am a firm believer in the universe being a whole of which we are a part and are therefore all connected. Each time I lay down for a session, I dedicate it to all those that are sleep-robbed.

Sleepwalking in style

I never understood why cartoons and movies always portray sleepwalkers with eyes shut and arms stretched out in front of them? ...considering that sleepwalkers need to see where they're going despite their semi-conscious state. Sleepwalking (or somnambulism) is more prevalent in pre-teen kids, but if I ever get busted for sleepwalking by the sleep cross committee, I hope to be wearing my finest silk sleepwear. Although I enjoy an occasional birthday suit snooze, I'd rather be caught sleepwalking in style than in the nude.

Bear with me

That’s it! I give in. Hybernation is a one way ticket to winter in comfort. The animals have it all figured out. Optimal competitive sleep season, you might think. Alas, not so, not for me. I am either too cold or too hot, too itchy or staticky, too dehydrated or just plain ol’ miserable. This is clearly not my season to thrive. But just imagine how magical it would be to fill up with enough food for three months, put on your favourite flannel pajamas, wrap up in mink blankets and check out for a nice long session. Hmmm…sweet indeed. I wish I was a bear today.

Luxury sleep aids

Once again, while I seek out exotic sleeping locations, others seek out exotic sleep aids. I’ve heard rumors of a growing number of bourgeois sleepers in Europe that have been joining the international sleep league and their tastes scream luxury. Satin sheets are back this season and are an absolute must for the die hard trend followers. For some this item remains timeless, yet to me it’s still so 80’s Prince era. And most recently, designer bed skirts have been the dernier-cri among the fashionistas of sleeping. To each his own, I suppose, though I remain a devout purist when it comes to my dream state essentials.

Cultural sleeping diversity does matter

At the last sleeper cross convention the question of “sleeping covered” was raised at the discussion panel. It appears that in some cultures, it is bad luck to watch one sleep. They believe that in a powerless state of sleep one’s dreams can be stolen, hypnosis may take place and spells might be cast by an unknown party. If this is to be a true international event, then competitors have to abide by certain rules. The judges feel that cultural and religious boundaries need to be addressed to make this event open to anyone. This may put off the International Championship for some time again, but at least everyone will be happy and have the opportunity to enter the cross without feeling discriminated against. The argument against this ruling is that sleeping covered may be conducive to cheating. In order to reach a compromise, tests are about to commence at the headquarters lab and the results will be determined early this spring. Great! That’s when my insomnia starts to set in. if I continue my breathing and meditation classes then I just might make it, if not… then I’ll have to wait a year to reapply. But I’m not too worried… I have my entire lifetime to compete, and there is a record out there to be broken by me. More mature, experienced sleepers always seem to excel, and I am nowhere near my peak.

ODE to OCD

You may have noticed that I tend to lean towards more adventurous sleeping environments and am seldom bothered by my circumstantial surroundings. To me it's part of the challenge. However, I do realize that not every competitive sleeper out there is as low-maintenance as myself and I can certainly respect that. Some sleepers worry about the level of hygiene of their dozing quarters and need to have their bases covered before they can even begin to imagine breathing evenly, let alone relax, let go and snooze. These types of dozers usually go for the traditional sleep basics: mattresses, pillows and comforters. The familiar is important, but age and material are even more crucial here. Did you know that between the time we buy our mattresses to the time we throw them out, they double in weight? Why? (you ask hesitantly) Dust mites. They move in the same day you do. To avoid even an inkling of this unappealing image, an O.C.D. (obsessive compulsive dozer) opts for the tempur pedic matress made out of viscoelastic memory foam (that mites don’t care for) and a tempur-pedic pillow. Comforters or duvets on the other hand tend to be a bit tricky. Down duvets keep you cozy and warm, but they are not necessarily OCD’s first choice for they too are dust magnets and are a pain to clean. OCD is more comfortable with layered wool blankets and cotton quilts. I am not berating this approach to competitive sleeping since I have an appreciation for quality. I just prefer a more bohemian, open-minded approach for myself.

Snore-free pillow, your new best friend

I have heard of snore reducing throat sprays, mouth pieces and other snore-free devices… but this is my first encounter with a pillow that does the trick just as well, if not better. It’s a water pillow that is adjustable to your desirable water level and comfort. A mini waterbed mattress, if you will. This will make it easier for the noisy sleepers to respect the silence during group sessions. Finally here’s a product that’s not obstructive, awkward or bad tasting… This is by far the most discreet anti-snoring device on the market today. The trick is in the smaller bar (see photo) that keeps the jaw supported by the curve which corrects your posture. It also encourages sleeping on your side, the position you snore least in. Who would have known that proper posture can put an end to snoring.

Snowed in the Car

With the sleeper cross on indefinite hold for me my agent sent me on a fact finding mission to the origins of the dan river bedding factory in Danville Virginia.

I packed a pair of man pajamas and it was a good thing. The east coast got pounded by a snow storm and I was stranded in the car. Wouldn't you know it, I had to sleep overnight in the car. Not a problem for an international pro-dozer. Here's a couple tips that can make a cold night in the car a lot dreamier.

1. Make sure you always travel with an extra set of silk thermal underwear tucked away in your trunk.
2. If you have a hatch-back or SUV always flatten the back seat and sleep in the cargo hold. You will have almost enough room to extend your entire body. This is better for the spine. DO NOT SLEEP ON THE BACK SEAT. Bad for the spine. If you're driving a regular sedan then opt to entirely recline (or until comfortable) the driver's seat and sleep there. This will be safer in case the car comes into motion during the night as you are immediately in position to take control.

Electric Blanket for Long Winters Sleep? Ouch!

My buddy just called me as I'm about to tuck myself in for a long Winters nap. The long underwear is "too hot," he says. Frankly, I'm not getting paid for this. If he's got some psychosis about sleeping then maybe he should seek mental support not support from a pro-dozer.

He said, "what about the sunbeam electric blanket," he'd found in his mother's closet. I winced. I mean talk about sleeping dry. An electric blanket will suck the moisture out of your flesh so efficiently that your limbs might just burst into dust when you move in the morning. It's getting late. The sandman is coming to me so I acquiesce. Yes go for the electric. At this point anything to keep him occupied. Just look at safety concerns associated with an electric blanket!

Long Underwear for Long Sleep in Winter

This week I'm spending a few nights doing some bedroom consulting. I have a few friends who are having trouble find the right temperature when they're sleeping. If the heater blows, it's too hot and dry. You wake up with a leather tongue. Without the heater the room is too cold. In LA it may not get that cold but because of the lack of insulation and single pane windows it's tougher than you think to get warm. My friend complains of his arms being cold while he's sleeping.

For starters I bought him a long sleeve set of flannel pajamas. This should take care of the arm issue in short order. He tried these out last night and it wasn't enough. Okay, I'm pulling out the regulation long underwear. No poop shoot here. This is a two piece - the kind you'd wear cross-country skiing. If he's not warm sleeping this then I'll be convince he's just got a cold heart. We'll see how it goes tonight.

BW

Sleepwear for Dogs?

Last night we had high winds and low some of the lowest temperatures we've had in Los Angeles this year. My dog is generally a champion sleeper (trained by the best - wink wink)who sleeps straight through the night. But last night she jumped on the bed and woke me when she drove her nose into my ear. She was shivering.

Inviting her into the bed wasn't an option. You can ask me any day of the week and I will say that dog sleep accessories beyond a bed only serve to help the owner sleep better. But tonight I actually thought that maybe it was time to consider dog pajamas. I mean if not for her then for me and if not for me then for her and if not... Well maybe there's nothing wrong with dog accessories. After-all I was dreaming of... well you get it.

A Good Nights Sleep - Raising Sleep Awareness

My disqualification from the Global Sleeper Cross has brought me to consider the larger mission bestowed upon me by my career as a Pro-Dozer. I'm going to use the same time that I would have spent competing in the Sleeper Cross to raise Sleep Awareness for the multitudes of casual sleepers that are just trying to get by on a good nights sleep.

This is a sampling of basic sleep topics that I will cover in coming month in the hopes of promoting better rest world wide.

- Summer Sleeping indoors without an air-conditioner
- Summer Sleeping indoors with an air-conditioner
- How many hours should I sleep each night?
- Winter Sleeping indoors
- Raw Sleep (in the nude) versus outer-wear sleep
- What time is bed time for kids?
- Sleeping with a sun-burn
- Sleeping in the car
- How to sleep if caught in the snow
- Sleeping while stranded at sea on a raft
- Sleeping with pets
- Designer sleepwear versus discount sleepwear
- artifice Bed Decor
- Down pillows vs. synthetic
- Sex before sleep or after?
- Napping - When is it too much
- Lingerie vs. Traditional Sleepwear

Stayed tuned for updates so you can get the best nights sleep. See you in your dreams.
BW

Dreaming of the Eagles Soaring

The fact that the Philadephia Eagles logged a wild card victory over the Giants tonight reminds me that I haven't talked about the sports that inspire me. Well that's not completely true. You know how I feel about Vince Lombardi.

In light of the Eagles' victory, I'm about to go in and change my sheets. What will I sleep on tonight? What fabric and print will accompnay this pro-dozer's slumber. Official Philadelphia Eagles Nfl bedding. You might call it a guilty pleasure but I would tell you that if you're going to be a winner you've got to sleep with winners.

Good night.

Highest Thread Count Sheets

As I tour the country I'm constantly reminded that a large portion of the population is under the impression that higher thread count sheets will deliver a deeper richer sleep in the same way that naming your daughter "Tiffany" demonstrates that you have an elevated sense of taste.

Truth be told, anything over 500 thread count does nothing more your sleep than chrome rims do for cornering in a Range Rover. Honestly, you can approach me at the Pro-Dozer Awards in a Versace dress and tell me you sleep on a 1000 thread sheet set on Fridays and a silk 600 thread count sheet in your second country home and I'm not going to invite you to the after party. I can log richer sleep on my grandmother's ratty aphgan than you can on a 1000 mg of Royhpnol on a 1000 thread count sheet with diamond beaded fringe! Hey, sorry for the exclamation point, but I'm not only a pro - I'm a dozer purist.

I have to train so I don't have time for futher details but check out http://www.yvesdelorme.com/english/threadcount/threadcount.html for more details. "As a practical issue, just how many threads can fit into one square inch of fabric...?" And remember. Rich sleep has nothing to do with your bank account. If you're rich in heart you've got a good shot at being rich in deep sleep.

Sleeping on the Banks of the Ganges

The leader of a local church group grabbed me yesterday at the Victoria's Secret Roadshow. She was concerned about keeping the members of her group dry while the slept on the banks of Ganges during an upcoming pigrimage to India.

She was actually thinking of having each church member tote a single sleeper memory foam mattresses because she was so happy with her tempur pedic mattress topper at home. Hi-tech or not - the thing we all have remember about space aged bedding is that moisture retention is still a major factor. The key to sleeping on the banks of the Ganges is moisture elimination. I've slept on the Ganges, both on raft and on the banks and there's no easy answer here. But the single most important recommendation I could make was "wear a wool hat." Regardless of whether it's warm or cold out, the hat will retain your body so that even if you're sleeping wet, you're sleeping warm.

Sleeping with Izabel Goulart of Victoria's Secret

Yesterday I modeled a set of proto-type men's dozer gear at a Victoria Secret Sleepwear roadshow in Clearwater Florida. The rookie V Secret models were all giggles at the opportunity to share the run way with me. I had a long talk with Izabel Goulart about the pro and cons of sleeping in the nude year round. Not a conversation I wanted to have but her broken english was sweeter than a sugar plum dream. She said something like, but "I don't like pajamas womens." You mean women's pajamas. I almost didn't want to correct her. We quarralled over the issue for an hour or two. Finally, we both agreed to sleep it off in 15 minute head-to-head power nap. I was all set to school her but I waited for her to sink deep into the dozer zone before I did. While I watched her drift off into a soft Victoria's slumber I thought better of it and let her win.

Fredericks of Hollywood Promotional Appearance

Just finished a Q & A and autograph session at Fredericks of Hollywood in the Mall of America. Same questions as every tour. "Is an 800 thread count sheet actually any better than 350 thread count sheets?" The answer is no. When you cram that many threads per square inch your fabric actually balls off so your sheets shed. Would I recommend women's fleece sleepwear over natural fibers for a trip to Peru? Absolutley. Fleece handles variable temperatures and sweat like a dream. It's tough being in front of a crowd day in and day out when all you can think about is competing. I'm always the diplomat. I mean dozing is my life. The last thing I want to do is lose my cool and give a fan or casual sleeper a bad experience and give them insomnia. What kind of a Pro-Dozer spreads insomnia?

Even as I'm disqualified from the Global-Sleeper-Cross I still hold that it is the responsibility of the Pro-Dozer to promote good rest and that means keeping your cool when a PR woman from Canyon Crest Bedding shows up at a live broadcast Q & A session and tries to lead me into plugging her brand. Sleep is pure but not as pure as it was. When I closed out the session I could help but ask myself if we're jeopardizing the gift of sleep as we let commerce intersect with our dreams. Where should an athlete draw the line between pure competition and a job?

BW

While Pro-Dozers Sleep Around the World

I know I have a knack for always showing my fans a Roy Rogers attitude no matter how bad the odds but I want to let all of you know (against the my press agent's wishes) that I am P.0.ED I mean really PISSED OFF about being barred from the Global Sleeper Cross. What competitor wouldn't be? So I'm not gonna sugar coat just so sponsors like Wheaties won't cancel my contract. They can eat their Wheaties with Zidane.

Rather than receiving journal posts from inside the Global Sleeper Cross (GSC), I will keep you all apprised of a few of the highlights from my speaking tour at various sponsor stores across the country. A contractual engagement that I put off when I was in training for GSC.

BW

Disqualified from Global Sleeper-Cross

The Federation has decided to revoke my eligibility for the Global Sleeper-Cross. I really don't have much to say here as this truly an infuriating and unjust decision and I'm beginning to suspect that we may looking a conspiracy deep in the seats of the pro-dozer federation. I'm trying to share a positive attitude on this experience. I mean if you're going to be a pro-athlete you're going to have to learn how to deal with disappointment. And hey - you can't be disqualified if you're not a pro. And to all you kids out there. I'd like you to keep this in mind.

They can take away your human rights but they can't take away your talent.

BB